Newbie Guide to Second Life BDSM Roleplay Part 1

Second Life is anything you want it to be.  When you go to a SIM, it is privately run, usually at a fair amount of the owner's  personal expense and time.  What follows is an overview of some things to understand about SIMs.

SIM Hierarchy

Owners: private people who create a simulated world and rules for that world.  Sometimes it's a committee, but ultimately only one person has the authority to make changes.

Admins/Moderators/Mediators: The people who  resolve disputes, ban and eject people and act as guides are volunteers who enjoy the SIM enough to volunteer their time so the rest of use can have fund.

Builders: The people who actually create all the wonderful environments and items you can use.

Groups Members: The rest of us who enjoy these incredibly creative worlds, they people in them and join a world to be a part of it.

SIM  Roles: might include the mayor, the owner of a bar, the editor of the newspaper, the brothel owner.  These people may or may not be moderators but they are established characters within a world.

New Arrivals

Ok, you've searched on bondage for locations, found one that sounds intersesting and teleported in. What next?

Entry/Safe Zone

Usually, when you enter a BDSM SIM, there's a "safe zone" where shops sell all manner of things from clothing to genitalia to bondage gear.

Meters

If there are meters (used for combat or experience) required, there will be a meter dispenser.  If there is a meter requirement, WEAR IT!  Failing to wear a meter where required can result in an ejection.  If it happens, POLITELY instant message (IM) the person who ejected you, apologize and tell them you are a newbie.  Sometimes ejections just happen automatically now even if no one is in the zone.

Observer Tags

Likewise if you are an observer, there should be an observer tag dispenser. Failing to wear an observer tag opens you up to kidnapping or unwanted attention.  Failing to wear an observer tag can result in ejection.

Rules

Upon entering a new sim, you will usually receive a message with a rules note card.  READ IT!  This will provide you with a general overview of the sim, what is and isn't allowed, required meters, tags, etc.  Why should you read the rules?  Well, let's say you're a male dominant who zones into a Lesbian Femdom SIM  and just starts trying to dominate all the pretty subs without reading the rule card that stipulates "No Male Dominants".  You're probably going to get ejected and banned and make a lot of instant enemies.

Role Playing in a New SIM

Normally, I like to wander around a bit wearing an observer tag, checking out the sim, listening to the conversations and reading people's profiles. If someone's not busy role playing, I will ask them some questions about the sim.  The following are some guidelines for role playing in a new SIM.

1 - You Have a Lot to Learn

No one is excited that you are there and don't care what your avatar looks like.  People are playing to amuse themselves and not you.  Established sim residents have friends and people they like to play with.  All of us have had bad experiences with newbies who expect to be role played with the first day they arrive in Second Life and who complain in open chat that people are unfriendly.

2 - Know How to Role Play

Read some blogs on the different role play styles and understand the basic rules.  In a future post, I'll explain some of the basic concepts and role play types.  Remember Rule 1, no one is there to teach or entertain you.  There are frequently Second Life classes that explain the basics.  If you can't role play, don't expect people to bother with you.

3 - Introduce Yourself Through Your Entrance.

Once, I've investigate a SIM and decided I want to role play there, I do several things:
1. Wear the appropriate outfit and hair. Medieval, Steam Punk, Gor, Contemporary, etc.
2. Wear the appropriate tag and meter.
3. Walk into the gathering area (usually a bar or common area) and emote something like, "Isabo Baxton strolls into the Pickled Otter Inn and pauses at the door to allow her eyes to adjust to the dark.  Her eyes settle on an unseemly looking man sitting in the corner wearing what appears to be women's undergarments on his head."  This tells the regulars that you can role play, are ready to role play and might be a fun scene partner.

Warning:  You will get no role play if you wander in and just sit waiting for someone to approach your amazing-looking avatar.  Personally, I don't care how fantastic your avatar looks, if you can't role play, use texting shorthand or say LOL when playing, I have no time for you.

4 - Read People's Profiles and Honor Their Limits, Know Your Limits

BDSM Limits are rules people have for role play.  Personally, I won't role play anything to do with Dolcett or bestiality.  I am very specific in what my hard limits are.  I have teleported out of scenes when someone refused to honor my limits because their profile says they have no limits and won't honor anyone else's limits. Make sure you take some time to understand the various types of play.  Some examples include genital torture, ass-fucking, humiliation (not a fan), orgasm denial (definitely not a fan), water sports, etc. Don't be afraid to say no to someone if you're apprehensive.   When I first started, I put up with some horrible situations because I didn't know any better.

5- Protect Your Privacy

One big issue that occurs for newbies is they don't understand how many bullies and true predators there can be on Second Life.  Older, more established and unethical players will insist you provide them with voice-verification, photos or that you MUST Skype with them.  Bullshit.  A person who posts his (most of the offenders tend to be men) so-called "real" photo in his profile doesn't get to order you (even if you are a sub) to provide him with a vocal sex session, photos of you or other information that could affect your privacy. I've had people accuse me of being a man because I wouldn't "voice-verify" or provide a photo.  I just move onto the next player.  And, there's always a next player.

6 - Avatars

Some more established players care a lot that their partner's avatars don't look like the newbie ones provided when you first join Second Life.  It's a way of weeding out inexperienced players who just show up in a BDSM sim expecting that everyone there is just waiting to have role play sex.  Although I personally don't care what an avatar looks like as long as the person behind the avatar can role play, I'd recommend spending some time customizing yours.  There are a lot of freebie skins, animation overriders, hair, clothing and props to be had.  I'll talk more about Newbie avatars in a future post.

7 - Jerks

Yes, they exist.  Everyone has their own opinion about what Second Life is or isn't and how or how not to role play.  Just remember, whether dom/me, sub or switch, YOU have the right to make up your rules (provided they don't conflict with the SIM rules) and decide what Second Life will be for you.  Just don't expect every one to agree with you.

8 - Ask Questions

When I first started playing, I politely asked people who weren't actively involved in a role play if they minded taking some time to talk to me about the SIM, it's rules, their recommendations for avatars, clothing, etc.  I still compliment complete strangers on their avatar or after listening in on a role play and once they've finished, compliment them on the scene.  It's a way to being to meet people and learn about Second Life.

9 - Don't Argue About a Scene

I admit, I frequently don't follow my own advice here particularly if I'm dealing with a jerk.  If a scene isn't working, IM the person and explain politely that it's not working for you.  I'd say there's a 50% chance they will understand and ask what's not working for you and a 50% chance, they will argue with you.  Frequently, they will get very insulting.  Under NO circumstance should you argue in open chat.  All you do is disrupt any other role play going on.  Refuse to discuss the issue in open chat.  Give them one chance to discuss any misunderstandings politely, then mute them.  It truly isn't worth the effort to try and force them or other bystanders into agreeing with you.

10 -Everyone is the Hero of Their Own Role Play

This took a LONG time for me to realize.  When I first started playing, I felt I had to win every fight, come out on top all the time.  Then, it suddenly dawned on me that there had to be roles to play where I could advance another player's storyline or just make them feel good.  Now, I lose about 70 to 80 percent of the time.  It's just more fun.  Once I had three women attempt to subdue my male character, one on my back, one grabbing a leg and the third randomly throwing things at my head.  They finally tazed me, struggled with dragging my body down the steps, then spent the rest of the session tormenting me.  Fun was had by all.

11 - Respect

Remember there are real people sitting at a keyboard behind the avatar.  Role play BDSM and sex can be very  intimate. Some people are just in Second Life playing a character with no emotion attached (again, usually men).  For others, like myself, their avatars are an extension of themselves.  Try and remember that you are dealing with a live, feeling, real human being. We are co-creators in porno soap operas.  Whether a dom/me, sub or switch.

Some respect guidelines:

1. Don't join a scene in progress unless you politely IM the dominant and ask.  Be prepared to accept NO for an answer.

2. Voice verification: Some people are very concerned about the real life gender of the person behind the avatar, hence the demand for voice-verification.  Although I won't voice unless I know the person well, I understand this limit.  I tend not to voice for privacy reasons but still, they have a right to ask and you have a right to refuse or accept.

3. Real Life Gender Identity:  Again, some people (usually men) are very concerned that the avatar they're about to have sex with reflects the real sex of the person behind the avatar.  Although I personally don't care what the sex of the person behind the avatar is or the sex of the avatar, others do. If their profile explicitly states "No homosexual contact, no men, no women, no furries, etc." respect this.  You'll be surprised how quickly your real gender might come out through gossip or other ways.  Some of my friends driving an avatar of the opposite sex will state in their profile, "Not a real woman."

I have a male avatar who happily abuses both men and women but I will tell scene partners in a private IM if it looks as though a scene is going towards sex that Ivan's driven by a woman.  Most don't care but some do.  All appreciate the opportunity to say no.  I don't post my real gender on Ivan's profile because it does affect how other men react to Ivan in role play.  I also avoid getting too heavily involved in a scene with female avatars who post, "No women in sex scenes," out of respect for their limits.  Conversely, you have no way of guaranteeing your partners abide by this guideline and need to determine what's acceptable for you with regard to voice verification.

4. Understand people have different motivations and goals in Second Life.  I'm mainly in it to have fun and one-off scenes and I'm not interested in either having a full-time sub or being one.  I'm not interested in being exclusive or finding a permanent relationship but others do want these things.  I tend to have regular partners who feel the same way.  Be upfront with people who ask if you will collar them or if they can collar you.

5. Limits.  See above.

6. Aftercare.  If a scene is particularly intense and you are a sub, make sure you get aftercare.  Having been in subspace and having taken people there, it's critical to make sure you either give it or get it.  It can be very disconcerting to have been tortured in a scene, then when it's over, the dominant leaves for his next victim leaving you dazed and confused in real life.  If you are a dominant or a new dominant, make sure you understand this is a critical part of being a true and in-demand dominant. And finally,

7. Remember: Have fun, don't be a jerk!

Finding a Sim to play in.

As I've stated before, I like to play in BDSM sims. Having said that, there are a few things I look for:

1. Respect for personal limits. If a sim insists you must play with anyone who captures you even if that goes against your limits. Avoid the place.

2. Interactions between the administrators and their favorite sub/dom. As with all things, favoritism comes into play. As I said in a previous post, Many of the administrative roles are taken on by submissive women who are unable to make objective decisions when it comes to their favorite dom. If you run afoul of one of these men, you will get banned capriciously.

3. Emphasis on good roleplaying skills. That includes not using text-speak, keeping IM's as OOC and any number of other things that I'll address in another article.

4. A moderator should be in the sim and available at all times.

The Biggest Bitch in Second Life: Forceme Silverspar

Recently,  I had an odd encounter in Second Life.  One of the sims I frequent was suddenly and with no warning closing.  The owner literally gave 2 days notice and the other people who frequented this sim were cast out and confused about the strange and peculiar behavior of the sim owner.  Since I liked the majority of the people in the sim, I created a group so we could keep in contact.  As the owner started kicking people off the sim, I invited people to join me to discuss the situation in another sim I play in.

Suddenly, I received a rather odd IM from a player called Forceme Silverspar.  She made some accusations against me which were not based in fact and seemed rather odd since she never played in this particular sim.  As is my habit with mentally unstable or hostile people who start haranguing me in Second Life, I muted her.  A day or two later, another person alerted me to the fact that she had posted her conversation with me on her blog complete with negative commentary about my motives, etc.

After contacting Linden Labs about what I perceived a violation of the TOS, I was told by the company that anyone can post any conversation anywhere outside of Linden Labs controlled media.  So, I did a little more digging and discovered that Forceme makes a habit of revealing private conversations and gleefully rejoices in this loophole.  Image my surprise when I was informed that she's now complaining that anther person is using her conversations without her permission and again, makes all manner of disparaging remarks against the person who had the discussion.  Mind you, I doubt she bother to obtain this woman's permission to republish her remarks.

After a little poking around, I've discovered that Forceme makes a habit of deliberately provoking people and then uses their conversations in her blog.  The woman fancies herself a expert on a number of topics: dominance and submission, role play, social observations, etc. etc.  When, from I can determine, the only thing Forceme Silverspar is a true expert in is being the Biggest Bitch in Second Life.

How Not to Role Play by Rendell Carter

The following article was written by one of my oldest friends on Second Life. He's graciously allowed me to publish it here. If you see Rendell in Second Life, be sure to hurl a pie at him and tell him it's from me!

How Not to Role Play
by
Rendell Carter
with a little help from Talender Serendipity

Guys -- I've noticed a couple of you doing some interesting and fun things in role play. In the interests of squashing this trend, and weakening my competition for the women, I offer these suggestions:

Forget that we're all here to collaborate on sex-soaked stories and have fun. Imagine instead that submissive women enjoy being (OOC) treated like meat. That really, the reason they'd come to an immersive, collaborative environment is that they want to be briefly masturbated to and then ignored once their novelty is *used up*. Insult their intelligence by ignoring their contributions to RP. If one of them tries to kick you in the balls, ignore it. If one of them tries to bite your cock, ignore it. If one of them shoves a stick of dynamite up your ass and lights the fuse, act as if it's no concern of yours. Perhaps say something like "/me smiles softly" in response. Above all, don't treat them (OOC) with any respect. In character, treat them like virgins on a pedestal. They love that shit. They're definitely going to leave their real life husbands and boyfriends if you do that! Be sure to ask them if they're masturbating when you appeared 30 seconds ago and put them on the fucking-machine pose ball. Even better, demand that they get on cam, masturbate for you with one hand while painting your name across their breasts with the other. That gets them all hot! Oh yeah -- *very* important -- in your *first* IM session, preferably just after "Hi" but before any kind of chance she might have to know anything about you, tell her that you want to OOCly collar her. It's a natural setup to the cam stuff. If she refuses *any* of this, insist that you think she's a real life guy and refuse to role play sexually with her. Call her "Dude" in chat from that point on, and insist that you can see "her" dick peeking out of her dress.

Assume that the women have nothing to contribute to the story. If they try to offer you money or willing sex to get them out of the Mansion, or if they explain that they're a fellow client, and you'll be in real trouble if you don't let go of them.... just ignore it. Get 'em on the right poseballs and fuck their avatars. If they don't do it for you fast enough, use snappy literary techniques to finish the scene: "/me jams his hug cock into ur squirting orgasming cunt" is a classic, and can never be over-used.
At *all* costs avoid absorbing their minds into the conflict. Don't let them pull some Scheherazade shit! Don't let 'em blind you temporarily and get away! That might involve you in *hunting* for them. Women *hate* to see a male role playerer invest *time* and *effort* into the RP, and a determined chase (seemingly not informed by the mini-map and radar) just bores them.

For God's sake, don't *trust* them with the story -- don't let them *lead* if they've got an interesting idea. If they IM you and say something like "It would be cool if I were a recovering addict and you happened to have some of my drug of choice" treat it like a *trap*! If you get the plot of this role play wrong, children all over the world will go to bed hungry, so don't *trust* the women. For Christ's sake -- they might *trust* you in turn! And where might *that* lead?

It's a good place to mention that *starting* role play and just leaving in the middle gets the women all excited and gratifies them no end. If you were in a creative writing club, sat down with someone, helped her character and yours get started on a possibly interesting story.. and then got up and walked away, don't you think that would make her hot? Don't you think she'd come after you, asking for your phone numbers and maybe to give her a baby? *Sure* she would! Same principle applies here... get 'em started, and then *cut 'em off*!

I really think that I will benefit from your use of my tips!

Don't pay attention to a female role player's clearly stated OOC preferences. Don't treat them as opportunities to sneak an interesting kink or quirk into a scene -- *ignore* them. If she says in IM that being forced to wear sexy clothing is exciting for her, well then, strip her naked! If she says in her profile that she was once strangled in real life by an attacker and won't role play that? Get out a garotte -- she's just messing with you! Aren't you man enough to ignore her? If she wants to be whipped and treated like fuck meat? RP that you're in love with her and are rescuing her from the Mansion. If she wants to cuddle after a scene? Drop her like a hot potato. At all costs avoid any kind of understanding of the real life woman you're playing with!

Assume that female sexuality is *exactly* like your own. If you're wanking, assume she's wanking. Better yet, assume all female sexuality is *just* like that shown in porn. Don't give her any time to comprehend you., Don't acknowledge her own strength, or let her tell you the back story she spent (enjoyable) hours crafting. At all costs, don't listen to her, and don't say anything more meaningful than classic lines (like the one above about the orgasming cunt, or perhaps curt orders, like "suck, whore". Believe me, forget this one -- actually engage with the women at a level that makes *them* get tingly as well as you -- and there's some danger that a girl will become aroused in the Mansion. Who wants *that*? On the other hand, if you actually *do* want to arouse a woman, creative and involving RP isn't the way to go. Instead, ask for her RL name and address. If she tells you what town she lives in, assure her that you live there too and that as soon as you're done, you'll get your walker and hobble right over. This is a good moment to ask her how many orgasms she's already had since you arrived.

Be sure to ignore the back story, virtual reality, and even virtual laws of physics in the sim. Be sure and do a lot of gesturbating -- play that "who ya gonna call?" from Ghostbusters *over* and *over*. If you've got a break-dancing animation? Let 'er rip. At least five times a minute. What's the harm? If your character is a dangerous mercenary with a cocaine habit who comes to the Mansion to blow off steam? Those guys are *always* break-dancing and saying "who ya gonna call". Trust me! Oh, and be sure to always be rich, ripped, powerful, and mysterious -- the kind of guy who says to himself "I think I need to *hire* women to have sex with me" and who won't get laid more than 150 times on the trip from his San Francisco penthouse to the Human Trafficking Mansion.

Now remember, I'm telling you this for MY OWN GOOD! Play like this, and I'll drown in nookie!

Similarly, bring "Gor" here. Dress in Gorean Free-man robes. Address women as "female" or "Kajira" or "Beast". Carry a sword even though the sim doesn't allow weapons. For that matter, carry a gun. Several guns! Several *science fiction* guns! Role play that your spacecraft is landing, and that Darth Vader is using his light saber to fight off Security.

Humor. For God's Sake! Women have no sense of humor, and have been known to even frown at the Three Stooges! *Even* the ones with *Curly* in them!!!!!!! What the *hell* would you waste your time on *humor* for? You know that stuff about how women are always saying they like a man with a sense of humor and long walks on the beach? Why would they tell the truth? So they're lying, so they *hate* guys with a sense of humor.

Oh yeah -- just as in real life, women love being fucked and them dumped. Once you've role played sex with someone, assume it's just going to be tiresome from then on. Muting her is simplest. Other women will *certainly* get the picture that you're that kinda guy, and swarm around you like mosquitoes!

Anyhow, these are just a few of the simple hints that *I* think you other guys should adopt as guidelines. The more you do it...the more girls for me!

Finally, let me add something for you ladies who (somehow) got to read this. Fellows, I'll wish you goodbye and bad luck now. Skip the rest of this note! Look away!

Ah, ladies! Let me assure you that this is *sarcasm*. That I see you as my sisters-in-arms, my fellow fighters against the specter of boredom and limp dick-ness. That *as* my sisters in arms, you should expect to see me peeking in your field shower... er... forget that part.

Instead let me invite you to demand quality from us. To demand our best game. You've been freed by Second Life to enjoy your sexuality in a way unimaginable just a few years ago, and now you've met us at the heart of some of your (and our) fantasies. You meet us as (OOC) equals, and we owe you what you owe us -- a really good time! Accept nothing less -- Help the poor guys (and girls) who don't yet have the knack, but understand that we, the good guys, understand you're here for fun, and your patience isn't unlimited. (Though it has had to be pretty close, to put up with all our shenanigans). Let's all up our game and have even more fun.

Rendell Carter

Review: Agapeo Seas Needs Fixing

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Gender Bias in BDSM sims

Most of the time, I stumble through a variety of sex role play sims as a 30-year old, incredibly fit human female avatar. But, at different times, I can be found under other names as a man, an Australian Saltwater Crocodile, and a 70-year old African American Voodoo Queen who carries a succession of pet chickens all named Bernice.

One of the things that I've been noticing is that there's a terrible bias against female avatars in resolving Out Of Character (ooc) differences of opinions.

The reality of most BDSM sims is that there's a ratio of approximately 70% submissives to 30% dominants. This makes the dominants more valuable to the sim owners who tend to be submissives who use other submissive women to act as moderators. Players who are also submissive female characters become competition for this core group who tend to enforce the rules haphazardly by banning competing women for relatively minor infractions while allowing dominant male characters to violate clearly stated sim rules at will.

Additionally, sim owners who tend to be submissive in real life tend to get involved with dominants who wind up taking over the sim and substantially changing the original charter to suit their own desires, leaving a trail of inconsistent and arbitrary bans in their wake.

In the coming weeks, I'll be reviewing some sims I've played in both good and bad.