Second Life is anything you want it to be. When you go to a SIM, it is privately run, usually at a fair amount of the owner's personal expense and time. What follows is an overview of some things to understand about SIMs.
Admins/Moderators/Mediators: The people who resolve disputes, ban and eject people and act as guides are volunteers who enjoy the SIM enough to volunteer their time so the rest of use can have fund.
Builders: The people who actually create all the wonderful environments and items you can use.
Groups Members: The rest of us who enjoy these incredibly creative worlds, they people in them and join a world to be a part of it.
SIM Roles: might include the mayor, the owner of a bar, the editor of the newspaper, the brothel owner. These people may or may not be moderators but they are established characters within a world.
1. Wear the appropriate outfit and hair. Medieval, Steam Punk, Gor, Contemporary, etc.
2. Wear the appropriate tag and meter.
3. Walk into the gathering area (usually a bar or common area) and emote something like, "Isabo Baxton strolls into the Pickled Otter Inn and pauses at the door to allow her eyes to adjust to the dark. Her eyes settle on an unseemly looking man sitting in the corner wearing what appears to be women's undergarments on his head." This tells the regulars that you can role play, are ready to role play and might be a fun scene partner.
Warning: You will get no role play if you wander in and just sit waiting for someone to approach your amazing-looking avatar. Personally, I don't care how fantastic your avatar looks, if you can't role play, use texting shorthand or say LOL when playing, I have no time for you.
2. Voice verification: Some people are very concerned about the real life gender of the person behind the avatar, hence the demand for voice-verification. Although I won't voice unless I know the person well, I understand this limit. I tend not to voice for privacy reasons but still, they have a right to ask and you have a right to refuse or accept.
3. Real Life Gender Identity: Again, some people (usually men) are very concerned that the avatar they're about to have sex with reflects the real sex of the person behind the avatar. Although I personally don't care what the sex of the person behind the avatar is or the sex of the avatar, others do. If their profile explicitly states "No homosexual contact, no men, no women, no furries, etc." respect this. You'll be surprised how quickly your real gender might come out through gossip or other ways. Some of my friends driving an avatar of the opposite sex will state in their profile, "Not a real woman."
I have a male avatar who happily abuses both men and women but I will tell scene partners in a private IM if it looks as though a scene is going towards sex that Ivan's driven by a woman. Most don't care but some do. All appreciate the opportunity to say no. I don't post my real gender on Ivan's profile because it does affect how other men react to Ivan in role play. I also avoid getting too heavily involved in a scene with female avatars who post, "No women in sex scenes," out of respect for their limits. Conversely, you have no way of guaranteeing your partners abide by this guideline and need to determine what's acceptable for you with regard to voice verification.
4. Understand people have different motivations and goals in Second Life. I'm mainly in it to have fun and one-off scenes and I'm not interested in either having a full-time sub or being one. I'm not interested in being exclusive or finding a permanent relationship but others do want these things. I tend to have regular partners who feel the same way. Be upfront with people who ask if you will collar them or if they can collar you.
5. Limits. See above.
6. Aftercare. If a scene is particularly intense and you are a sub, make sure you get aftercare. Having been in subspace and having taken people there, it's critical to make sure you either give it or get it. It can be very disconcerting to have been tortured in a scene, then when it's over, the dominant leaves for his next victim leaving you dazed and confused in real life. If you are a dominant or a new dominant, make sure you understand this is a critical part of being a true and in-demand dominant. And finally,
SIM Hierarchy
Owners: private people who create a simulated world and rules for that world. Sometimes it's a committee, but ultimately only one person has the authority to make changes.Admins/Moderators/Mediators: The people who resolve disputes, ban and eject people and act as guides are volunteers who enjoy the SIM enough to volunteer their time so the rest of use can have fund.
Builders: The people who actually create all the wonderful environments and items you can use.
Groups Members: The rest of us who enjoy these incredibly creative worlds, they people in them and join a world to be a part of it.
SIM Roles: might include the mayor, the owner of a bar, the editor of the newspaper, the brothel owner. These people may or may not be moderators but they are established characters within a world.
New Arrivals
Ok, you've searched on bondage for locations, found one that sounds intersesting and teleported in. What next?Entry/Safe Zone
Usually, when you enter a BDSM SIM, there's a "safe zone" where shops sell all manner of things from clothing to genitalia to bondage gear.Meters
If there are meters (used for combat or experience) required, there will be a meter dispenser. If there is a meter requirement, WEAR IT! Failing to wear a meter where required can result in an ejection. If it happens, POLITELY instant message (IM) the person who ejected you, apologize and tell them you are a newbie. Sometimes ejections just happen automatically now even if no one is in the zone.Observer Tags
Likewise if you are an observer, there should be an observer tag dispenser. Failing to wear an observer tag opens you up to kidnapping or unwanted attention. Failing to wear an observer tag can result in ejection.Rules
Upon entering a new sim, you will usually receive a message with a rules note card. READ IT! This will provide you with a general overview of the sim, what is and isn't allowed, required meters, tags, etc. Why should you read the rules? Well, let's say you're a male dominant who zones into a Lesbian Femdom SIM and just starts trying to dominate all the pretty subs without reading the rule card that stipulates "No Male Dominants". You're probably going to get ejected and banned and make a lot of instant enemies.Role Playing in a New SIM
Normally, I like to wander around a bit wearing an observer tag, checking out the sim, listening to the conversations and reading people's profiles. If someone's not busy role playing, I will ask them some questions about the sim. The following are some guidelines for role playing in a new SIM.
1 - You Have a Lot to Learn
No one is excited that you are there and don't care what your avatar looks like. People are playing to amuse themselves and not you. Established sim residents have friends and people they like to play with. All of us have had bad experiences with newbies who expect to be role played with the first day they arrive in Second Life and who complain in open chat that people are unfriendly.2 - Know How to Role Play
Read some blogs on the different role play styles and understand the basic rules. In a future post, I'll explain some of the basic concepts and role play types. Remember Rule 1, no one is there to teach or entertain you. There are frequently Second Life classes that explain the basics. If you can't role play, don't expect people to bother with you.3 - Introduce Yourself Through Your Entrance.
Once, I've investigate a SIM and decided I want to role play there, I do several things:1. Wear the appropriate outfit and hair. Medieval, Steam Punk, Gor, Contemporary, etc.
2. Wear the appropriate tag and meter.
3. Walk into the gathering area (usually a bar or common area) and emote something like, "Isabo Baxton strolls into the Pickled Otter Inn and pauses at the door to allow her eyes to adjust to the dark. Her eyes settle on an unseemly looking man sitting in the corner wearing what appears to be women's undergarments on his head." This tells the regulars that you can role play, are ready to role play and might be a fun scene partner.
Warning: You will get no role play if you wander in and just sit waiting for someone to approach your amazing-looking avatar. Personally, I don't care how fantastic your avatar looks, if you can't role play, use texting shorthand or say LOL when playing, I have no time for you.
4 - Read People's Profiles and Honor Their Limits, Know Your Limits
BDSM Limits are rules people have for role play. Personally, I won't role play anything to do with Dolcett or bestiality. I am very specific in what my hard limits are. I have teleported out of scenes when someone refused to honor my limits because their profile says they have no limits and won't honor anyone else's limits. Make sure you take some time to understand the various types of play. Some examples include genital torture, ass-fucking, humiliation (not a fan), orgasm denial (definitely not a fan), water sports, etc. Don't be afraid to say no to someone if you're apprehensive. When I first started, I put up with some horrible situations because I didn't know any better.5- Protect Your Privacy
One big issue that occurs for newbies is they don't understand how many bullies and true predators there can be on Second Life. Older, more established and unethical players will insist you provide them with voice-verification, photos or that you MUST Skype with them. Bullshit. A person who posts his (most of the offenders tend to be men) so-called "real" photo in his profile doesn't get to order you (even if you are a sub) to provide him with a vocal sex session, photos of you or other information that could affect your privacy. I've had people accuse me of being a man because I wouldn't "voice-verify" or provide a photo. I just move onto the next player. And, there's always a next player.6 - Avatars
Some more established players care a lot that their partner's avatars don't look like the newbie ones provided when you first join Second Life. It's a way of weeding out inexperienced players who just show up in a BDSM sim expecting that everyone there is just waiting to have role play sex. Although I personally don't care what an avatar looks like as long as the person behind the avatar can role play, I'd recommend spending some time customizing yours. There are a lot of freebie skins, animation overriders, hair, clothing and props to be had. I'll talk more about Newbie avatars in a future post.7 - Jerks
Yes, they exist. Everyone has their own opinion about what Second Life is or isn't and how or how not to role play. Just remember, whether dom/me, sub or switch, YOU have the right to make up your rules (provided they don't conflict with the SIM rules) and decide what Second Life will be for you. Just don't expect every one to agree with you.8 - Ask Questions
When I first started playing, I politely asked people who weren't actively involved in a role play if they minded taking some time to talk to me about the SIM, it's rules, their recommendations for avatars, clothing, etc. I still compliment complete strangers on their avatar or after listening in on a role play and once they've finished, compliment them on the scene. It's a way to being to meet people and learn about Second Life.9 - Don't Argue About a Scene
I admit, I frequently don't follow my own advice here particularly if I'm dealing with a jerk. If a scene isn't working, IM the person and explain politely that it's not working for you. I'd say there's a 50% chance they will understand and ask what's not working for you and a 50% chance, they will argue with you. Frequently, they will get very insulting. Under NO circumstance should you argue in open chat. All you do is disrupt any other role play going on. Refuse to discuss the issue in open chat. Give them one chance to discuss any misunderstandings politely, then mute them. It truly isn't worth the effort to try and force them or other bystanders into agreeing with you.10 -Everyone is the Hero of Their Own Role Play
This took a LONG time for me to realize. When I first started playing, I felt I had to win every fight, come out on top all the time. Then, it suddenly dawned on me that there had to be roles to play where I could advance another player's storyline or just make them feel good. Now, I lose about 70 to 80 percent of the time. It's just more fun. Once I had three women attempt to subdue my male character, one on my back, one grabbing a leg and the third randomly throwing things at my head. They finally tazed me, struggled with dragging my body down the steps, then spent the rest of the session tormenting me. Fun was had by all.
11 - Respect
Remember there are real people sitting at a keyboard behind the avatar. Role play BDSM and sex can be very intimate. Some people are just in Second Life playing a character with no emotion attached (again, usually men). For others, like myself, their avatars are an extension of themselves. Try and remember that you are dealing with a live, feeling, real human being. We are co-creators in porno soap operas. Whether a dom/me, sub or switch.Some respect guidelines:
1. Don't join a scene in progress unless you politely IM the dominant and ask. Be prepared to accept NO for an answer.2. Voice verification: Some people are very concerned about the real life gender of the person behind the avatar, hence the demand for voice-verification. Although I won't voice unless I know the person well, I understand this limit. I tend not to voice for privacy reasons but still, they have a right to ask and you have a right to refuse or accept.
3. Real Life Gender Identity: Again, some people (usually men) are very concerned that the avatar they're about to have sex with reflects the real sex of the person behind the avatar. Although I personally don't care what the sex of the person behind the avatar is or the sex of the avatar, others do. If their profile explicitly states "No homosexual contact, no men, no women, no furries, etc." respect this. You'll be surprised how quickly your real gender might come out through gossip or other ways. Some of my friends driving an avatar of the opposite sex will state in their profile, "Not a real woman."
I have a male avatar who happily abuses both men and women but I will tell scene partners in a private IM if it looks as though a scene is going towards sex that Ivan's driven by a woman. Most don't care but some do. All appreciate the opportunity to say no. I don't post my real gender on Ivan's profile because it does affect how other men react to Ivan in role play. I also avoid getting too heavily involved in a scene with female avatars who post, "No women in sex scenes," out of respect for their limits. Conversely, you have no way of guaranteeing your partners abide by this guideline and need to determine what's acceptable for you with regard to voice verification.
4. Understand people have different motivations and goals in Second Life. I'm mainly in it to have fun and one-off scenes and I'm not interested in either having a full-time sub or being one. I'm not interested in being exclusive or finding a permanent relationship but others do want these things. I tend to have regular partners who feel the same way. Be upfront with people who ask if you will collar them or if they can collar you.
5. Limits. See above.
6. Aftercare. If a scene is particularly intense and you are a sub, make sure you get aftercare. Having been in subspace and having taken people there, it's critical to make sure you either give it or get it. It can be very disconcerting to have been tortured in a scene, then when it's over, the dominant leaves for his next victim leaving you dazed and confused in real life. If you are a dominant or a new dominant, make sure you understand this is a critical part of being a true and in-demand dominant. And finally,
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